Angie's Coat Pocket

Music in the Air!

2011-08-29T10:52:00.000-07:00

My new EP entitled "Dragonflies in Winter" will be released Dec. 16. The album features piano and percussion, vocals and layered harmonies. The tracks were recorded live with vocals and piano simultaneously to create a "moment" in time. The percussion and harmonies were recorded at later times to add musical texture.

Two of the songs came to me in my sleep - "Slow Down" and "Real." The other tracks were brought on mainly by conversations with friends and bits and pieces of observations about life. The other tracks are entitled "Innocence," "Winterland," "Want Good Things" and "Seasons Change."

Overall, the album reflects the point in our lives when we recognize that an era is coming to an end. Everything is frozen in time (right then when we look around), but we know that there is a newness to come once the sun comes out. Moving in a positive light. The album was born completely subconsciously - after I went through some dramatic changes in my personal life. It works well as a concept album - although there was "no concept" of a concept album to begin with!

So, the songs naturally came one after another over the past 2 years, and they create a commentary on a turning point in life, how we feel in that pivotal moment. The CD release party will be at The Porch in Lake Charles on December 16 from 7:30 - 11:30 p.m. Also performing is Daniel Lee (songwriter/guitar), Rick Nelson (cello), Dr. Manning (trumpet), and Dean Manning (guitar). See ya there!

Musings from Being in my Car 8+ Hours!

2011-06-04T19:00:00.000-07:00

Okay, I know this is random, but I had some thoughts to share from being in my car a lot today. Just things that flew through the old brain, for your complete amusement:

GRITS - I like that. I am a girl raised in the South, and I kinda like the sound of "GRITS." It's first off, pretty yummy as a dish, so that is a plus. It also sounds like: "Don't mess with this group of gals cause we are tough." (Gritting your teeth.) Which made me think of my grandpa and how he used to say that during the Depression, they ate Poke and Grit for dinner: "Poke your feet under the table and grit your teeth." All and all, GRITS resurfaced a few times on the road.

If Twitter has "Tweet-ups," then what does Facebook have? Face-offs? Face-to-Faces? Face in your Space? I mean, is there a term?

I saw a huge 18 wheeler with JESUS written as big as the surface on the trailer area. So, what was that 18 wheeler transporting? You have to wonder.

You know you have a great Dad if he makes a bunch of extra pancakes and freezes them for you.

You know you have a cool family, when everyone actually sings "Happy Birthday" to you on a voicemail...with one family member singing: "Happy Birthday to you, I live in a zoo. I live with four monkeys, and I might be one too." That is just awesome!

You cannot lose your spunk, no matter HOW bad your day is if you have an extremely high ponytail. Can't be done.

If you are working with a group of people, and suddenly everyone glazes over...order pizza. Works like a charm. I have seen the magic of hot pizza work many a time in my day.

You can really depend on the "kindness of strangers" sometimes. People are not all bad. You just have to really go with your gut here. Eyes are the windows to someone's soul. You have to search there first, and then, form your gut feeling.

If you are going to wear go-go boots most days, be prepared to ruin your tights. They get caught in the zipper a lot.

Oh, and if you listen to an 80s station long enough, you are going to hear that song "I want my MTV." It's the most dreadful thing when it comes on.

Finally, as I was driving home, I passed a sign that this church in Sulphur put up. I'll leave you with this: "You can't change the past, but don't ruin the present by worrying about the future." Sound advice.

:)

Let Your Heart be Light!

2010-12-11T10:59:00.000-08:00

This song lyric "let your heart be light" has been dancing in my head for a few days now, and I think it’s because it struck me this year as something more than just a line in “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.” It’s a powerful line. It’s a visual line. Sometimes, it’s hard to believe that we can rise above circumstances. Circumstances and all situations can seem so very permanent or immovable, and many times, they are. But having a joyful disposition should be the goal at all times because ultimately, that is how to keep hope alive.

There are great stories of people who have overcome tremendous adversity or survived life-threatening situations all based on willing themselves to remain positive. It’s a conscious choice to strive for joyfulness. It comes more naturally to some than others, but whenever the world seems to be heavy, better than worrying about it to bits, especially things that are not able to be controlled, allow some light into your heart.

Picture your heart as a place that can have light shining from it at all times, toward people you love and people you meet, yes, even that State Trooper who is stopping everyone who lives between Sulphur and Lake Charles and giving out tickets for Christmas! Anyway, I read a blog about this song, and what I liked about it was this thought: “We don’t sing because we are happy. We are happy because we sing.” So, let your heart be light and be filled with light, laughter, gratitude and song this holiday season and always.

2009-09-04T01:22:00.000-07:00

Math…So, really, besides calculating a tip or a good deal, who needs it? I was thinking about this the other day. I was always decent at math, but I have to be honest, it’s not my “thing.” The idea of working with numbers all day long is…I’ll just leave it as..."unappealing." It's like the time I found myself with go-go boots and love beads in the Engineering Building at LSU, and a friend from one of my English classes (Jesse) asked in a hushed voice, "What are YOU doing here?" Yeah...I just needed to print something, but I felt like a total freak in that building.

OKAY, I get the need to 1. Add, 2. Subtract, 3. Multiply, and at times, 4. Divide, but for real, we DO have calculators. Does anyone in education realize this? I think it’s good to teach kids to do these things, but as adults, how many of us do multiplication tables with three digit numbers four layers thick? We break out the ol' calculator, but like I said, the Fab Four of numbers – I “get.”There are other aspects of math, however, that I don’t “get.” Take “F.O.I.L.” Remember this from algebra? “First, Outer, Inner, Last?” Whaaaaa? So, when does this scenario happen in real life?

Let's explore "F.O.I.L." (This is straight from a math website):"What if you have something like this: (4x + 6)(x + 2)? That's where we use the FOIL method. FOIL means first, outside, inside, last. That's not too hard to remember if you say it in your head a few times." http://www.freemathhelp.com/using-foil.htmlSOOOOO...I am just trying to imagine this "F.O.I.L." thing occurring...Hmmmmm...I know! You’re walking down the aisle in the store, and you think: “Gee, I need to use the F.O.I.L. method?” Really? I am just asking. I have never had to use F.O.I.L. besides covering up leftovers with it - chicken and what-nots.

What about “imaginary numbers.” What IS that? The last test in college, I filled in “C” because it had an imaginary thingy-ma-jig stuck in there, and I thought: “Well, “C” looks good, and I’ll be done with math forever if I fill it in.” It must have worked because I scored an “A” that semester. The mystery remains for me that with an INFINITE amount of numbers that go on FOREVER, why do we need to “imagine” more?Or “matrix” problems. Remember? What the heck?

Check this website for a view of the torture we endured in high school: http://www.sosmath.com/matrix/matrix1/matrix1.html

This is pulled from the website above:Combining this formula with the above result, we get (0.6 0.3) (0.6 0.3) = (0.6 X 0.6 + 0.3 X 0.4 0.6 X 0.3 + 0.3 X 0.7)(0.4 0.7) (0.4 0.7) (0.4 X 0.6 + 0.7 X 0.4 0.4 X 0.3 + 0.7 X 0.7)

In other words, we have
(a b) (e f) = (ae + bg af + bh)(c d) (g h) (ce + dg cf + dh)

(OH, YEAH, THAT MAKES FREAKIN’ SENSE) To me, the “Matrix” has mainly resulted in a movie with MAJOR product placement for sunglasses. Also, it reminds me of a really confusing time in my life when after seeing the “Matrix,” someone asked me when I caught on that “Neo” was the “One.” I said, “What do you mean?” He said to rearrange the letters in his name, and I thought for a minute and said “Leni?” Yeah, the symbolism was lost on me because I thought they were calling him “Neil” the whole time. What the heck kind of name is “Neo?”

So…I just thought I would bring up some old school math for everyone. Feel free to comment on when this type of advanced math comes out in real life! I would be interested to know!PS - This is totally dedicated to my big brother!!!

2009-06-01T10:39:00.000-07:00

What Your Hair Says About You!

Have you ever gotten sappy and reminiscent one evening, and looking back over old yearbooks or pictures, realized that your quiet evening of going down memory lane turned into a nightmare – a real freak show? (Yeah, I am so glad that I was in elementary school during the 1980s). But, let’s pause in the 1980s before moving along with the more serious aspects of this post – like how your hair can impact your very life, presidential elections, etc., beyond mere fashion! Duh, dun, duuunn…

The 1980s Pause:
Take the banana clip. What the heck IS that thing? Did someone get really bored over breakfast and think –wow – this is the next big thing? I personally think that it’s a Mohawk for sissies. I mean; do you want to have a Mohawk or not? It’s just a trial run. Never understood that one…and when they malfunctioned…not a pretty sight.

Moving on to the crimper. So, if God wanted you to have a heart or star crimped in your hair, you would have been born with one – eh?

Bangs…yeah…guys don’t really get off the hook on this topic. La, la, la, we all know about the poor bridal portraits with the poof bangs (perhaps bedazzled banana clips), but, the guys…mullets, feathered & sprayed bangs? David Hasselhoff…

Oh, and a glance back tribute to the 1960s – gotta love the flip. Must have been such pressure to keep that major cowlick wave peppy all day in humid Louisiana…

Be c“hair”eful…When Your Hair Defines You:
Take Tina Turner, Elvis, Richard Simmons, Donald Trump, Conan O’Brien…their hair is almost as important as what they do. Would Richard’s jogging in place still have the same impact on camera without the rise and fall of his curls? What a branding crisis if Conan suddenly went bald?! Or, Donald Trump…oh, yeah, maybe he is already bald. That’s a great mystery. Point being, hair is a status symbol, and sometimes it takes over more than you know. So, if you have had the same haircut for over 10 years, you might fall into a category where your hair defines you - in part. No pun intended.

So, “The Part” – It’s Part in Your Life:
A hair part can decide things like presidential elections. Rumor has it that Gore should have parted his hair on the other side. Might have changed a vote or two.
http://www.truemirror.com/hp/hpttmc.asp
So, the right part is feminine, and the left part is masculine. You have got to wonder about people who change their part midstream though. They might be screaming for an intervention of some sort.

The Freak Flag:
Crosby Stills Nash & Young sing about it. You know; how hair can be a “freak flag.” It’s a type of rebellion used mainly by adolescent males, musicians of any age, or just die hard hippies. It’s a statement – for what it’s worth. So, if you are flying a freak flag and are unaware, you might want to reevaluate. For some reason, it’s the opposite with women – the ones that shave their heads like Sinéad O’Connor.

So, the next time you mousse up, squirt the gel, hot roll or tease the bangs – just think about how your hair might be saying more than you think!

2008-09-30T20:34:00.000-07:00

THE TOOTHPASTE THEORY & RELATIONSHIPS

My best friend from college and I devised a “toothpaste theory” whenever it comes to relationships, and for the life of me, I can't remember how this evolved. I think that it was the brainchild of my best friend, and we most likely embellished it along the way. Anyway, it has been a mainstay touchstone for the success of relationships in our lives, so before you laugh at this, you might want to at least consider the sound scientific research that I am about to present. Oh, and I have written it in the sense of “girl meets boy” and then proceeds to psychoanalyze boy...based on his toothpaste. Make sense to you?

So, we've all been there. Giddy, in love, wondering if this is “the one.” Compatibility is huge, but instead of looking at obvious things to tell if it's golden, all you really have to do to see if there is a strong cosmic connection is tell your significant other that you need to powder your nose. Then, while you are in the bathroom, take a hard look at his toothpaste. There is much that you can glean from such a seemingly “innocent” tube of toothpaste, but it has evidence written all over it!

I am not talking “brands” as much as the actual state of the toothpaste tube itself, but perhaps more qualified Toothpaste Analysts might delve into more complicated theories like…Is whitening involved…vanity? Anything sparkly about the tube…girly? Is there something particularly patriotic about Aquafresh...might he join the army one day? Those sorts of deeper questions. Hmmm…

Keep in mind that there is no right answer here. Just FACTS. You have to decide for yourself if you are compatible or not. So, let’s get into the theory:

1. The Bunched Tube:
The toothpaste tube has one of those doodads on it that allows you to always have the paste bunched up near the top of the tube so that it is easy to get the perfect dollop onto your brush. You know; those plastic things that you slide up as you use the paste?

Psychological Implications:
Perfectionist who is not particularly spontaneous as a general rule. This person probably has a sock drawer organized by color; all his ties are hung neatly at all times; all his cups match in the cupboard; and he might even have potpourri out on the mantel. This person also probably has wreaths for every holiday ready to hang on the door, never misses anniversaries and is thoughtful.

2. The Evolving Squashed Tube:
It looks like the dude just grabbed the toothpaste in the middle and squeezed. If you date this person long enough, you might see the evolution of it being squeezed in the middle; some paste gets on the tube, but it always seems to get rolled at the bottom and wiped clean before there is a point of no return. Then, voila, the paste is bunched at the top once more.

Psychological Implications:
This person can be spontaneous and let loose every now and then, but he always goes back to what’s important in life. He is not so far out there that he'll forget to pay the car note or something basic like that.

3. Pump Tube:
This is a mystery, so you really have to look at things like…Is there toothpaste running down the cylinder? Is there goopy paste around the top of the pump so that you can barely squeeze it onto a brush?

Psychological Implications:
Look at theories 1 & 2 and try to apply them to this mysterious tube of toothpaste. Perhaps this person has heard of the toothpaste theory and does not want to incriminate himself in any way!

4. Missing Cap:
So, you go in the bathroom, and there is toothpaste all in the sink – dried, wet, or gelled beyond belief. You also see, sort of draped across a hairbrush, an almost empty tube with the life squeezed out of it, and absolutely no CAP…anywhere to be seen.

Psychological Implications:
Run for the hills! This person might not even brush his teeth for one. Eeewww! But, forget flowers on your birthday. Forget him remembering to take out the trash on trash day. He is probably the type to go out and buy underwear at Wal-Mart at midnight rather than do laundry. Or worse, turn them inside out instead!

So, I hope that this helps you in someway either pick the right significant other or…understand your significant other in a deeper way. This has, after all, been a deep, deep, deep, deep psychological journey into the unstudied sciences of “The Toothpaste Theory.”

2008-09-30T19:19:00.000-07:00

THE SWITCH FROM "LONGING" TO "SAVORING"

I am not sure that we, as people, are programmed to not "long" for something. It seems so natural. The whole "grass is greener" bit. But, there is a fine line between setting goals for the future and truly longing for something that you do not currently have in your life. I was struck by this thought one evening in the middle of a conversation with a much older gentleman.

You see, that very same week, I was thinking about how nice it will be whenever my kids are grown and out of the house. (Cough) Yeah, so they are 2 and 8 months…not really happening tomorrow! This conversation really touched me because earlier that week, I had just dreamily mentioned to my husband (no less, after the millionth horrid diaper that I had changed that day), about how fun it will be for us to just go whenever – wherever – however and watch a sunset on the beach – something to that effect.

Well, back to the older gentleman. He said, "Wow, you had better really enjoy this time with your kids. It's a wonderful time. I just packed away our last son and sent him to college. It's so quiet in the house now." That got me thinking how much we (sometimes) long our lives away. It's pretty sad if you dwell on it, but that's why I am writing this entry. It's a way to say – let's not long our lives away – but truly savor every moment.

Here is how I think it breaks down (in most cases):

Baby – Longing to eat, sleep and have that disgusting diaper changed!

Toddler – Longing to communicate and, of course, be the boss.

Kid – Realizing (hopefully) that he/she is indeed not the boss. Longing to be a "cool" teenager instead.

Teenager – Longing for a license to drive, get out of high school and be "free."

College Student – Longing to get out of school and be "free."

Single/Working Person – Longing to get married.

Married Person – Longing for kids, and then the other kid, etc., perhaps a dog or cat!

Once you Have Kids – Longing for peace, sleep, relaxation, and for them to grow up a little and not be so darn needy.

Once your Kids aren't so Needy – What happened? Longing to connect with your kids.

Once your Kids are out of the House – Longing for a full house again. Noise, excitement.

Grandparent Stage – Longing for grandchildren.

Older People – Longing for retirement.

Retired People – Longing for company from friends and family, something useful and meaningful to do, or simply, the way things used to be in the world – the past.

So, instead of longing for things, why not savor what you have? After all, you spend "however" many years longing for it! Enjoy each stage, truly savor everything. Even if you are not destined for marriage or having children, there are other things that you can do that a married person with children might not be able to do as readily. So, it's all in the way that you look at things. The point is to not get stuck in doom and gloom and longing because it's not worth it. We are all on this planet for some reason, and so, embrace the time that you have, and try to make a difference without longing your life away!

2008-09-24T18:39:00.000-07:00

BREATHE, CHILL OUT & LIVE A LITTLE

So, it’s Sunday, and the preacher is talking to me. Well, the congregation, actually, but do you ever get the feeling that the preacher is directing attention to your pew? Creepy. Kinda like being in a museum, and the eyes on paintings are following you all around. But…I digress. He was talking about Godly wisdom. Nothing you can learn from going to college or anything, unless you are talking about seminary, I suppose. My preacher had an insightful way of talking about this, gaining Godly wisdom, but this FB note is just “inspired” by the sermon – not 100% what was said on Sunday morning. The point is that I DID get something out of it, and I felt like sharing. I have not mastered life’s lessons for sure, so don’t think that I am on a soapbox at the ripe old age of 29. I just wanted to pass this message along – that’s all.

WHEN I HAVE WHITE HAIR:
So, whenever I am old, I don’t want to be wise – like – I know everything and you don’t, sista! (Two snaps). But, I truly want to learn from life and be wise from what I HAVE gathered and open to what is NEW always, always. So, to gain wisdom, first, you have to look up. And second, you have to step away from your own preconceived notions, diminish your own ego for a few seconds, and really take in what someone is saying. Say, you don’t agree with 95% of what they are telling you, if you learn from the 5%, then, it was worth it. Even if you don’t learn a thing, at least, they don’t think that you are an egotistical jerk. That’s always a good thing.

CHILL OUT, LISTEN & BREATHE:
It’s easy to take ourselves so seriously. It’s like whenever you are a teenager, and you think that someone is talking about you just because they looked up and stopped talking whenever you walked by. That’s ridiculous! Maybe they just thought that you were “fabulous” – cool shoes or something. So, don’t assume the worst case scenario. Stop thinking about what you are going to say whenever the person in front of you stops talking. Stop looking at electronic gadgets whenever there is a living, breathing person in front of you. How weird. There was a study that I saw on the news about spouses preferring their blackberries to their spouses. Blackberries?! How terrible!

MOVING FORWARD EACH NEW DAY - POSITIVE ATTITUDE:
One thing for certain is that time moves forward, and we are all moving forward even if we are trying to remain safe, unmoved and stationary. If you are in a rut, or if something horrible is going on, no matter what, the next day is on its way, and the next night is on its way. Sun, moon, sun, moon, etc. So, you might as well approach life with a positive attitude. I am a big believer in positive thinking. I am not a nut case about it, but if you don’t think there is a solution, one is probably not going to magically appear. Makes sense to me. So, moving forward with a positive attitude in all things is much better than sulking or becoming numb to the opportunities all around you. (a.k.a. feeling sorry for yourself). Your life will change even if you are standing still, so you might as well be in the driver’s seat rather than letting the car of your life weave all over the place just because you can’t seem to find the “right” map. I know this is not always easy, especially right after tragedy strikes, but having a positive attitude with a “can-do” spirit is better than having a negative attitude. Gotta be. Just look at Eeyore. Do you want to eat thistles your whole life?

So, in a nutshell, truly enjoy what you have, listen to everyone’s ideas, think about where you are going, chill out, breathe, and don’t forget to live a little!

2008-09-20T10:20:00.000-07:00

THOSE LITTLE THINGS THAT STAY WITH US

The other night, I started laughing, just thinking about an incredibly funny thing that happened to me in college one sunny afternoon. The thing is that the memory, as far as I could tell, had nothing to do with anything that was going on. My husband was perplexed, and it was one of those things that I didn’t think would be funny if I retold the story. You know what I mean…

Anyway, I started thinking about things that make memories. It is easy to get caught up in being like a Ping Pong ball bouncing back and forth, not truly thinking about why we are doing the things that we are doing, mainly because it just takes too much dang energy.

So, I decided to make a random list of things that bring back memories:

*Getting snow cones after swimming in the summer.
*Letting glue dry on your fingers, and then peeling it off to see your fingerprints.
*Drawing pictures on a dirty car with your fingers.
*Playing in puddles on rainy days.
*Picking blackberries and discovering new places in the woods.
*Making and decorating a birthday cake instead of buying one.
*Listening to music on vinyl with crackling sounds.
*As a child, reading along with a record that would have a magical fairy noise whenever it was time to turn the page.
*Laughing in church whenever you are supposed to be “serious.”
*Sleeping late on rainy days. (Like that happens anymore!)
*Eggnog on Christmas morning.
*Sitting around campfires during cool months.
*Scratchy tutus and a stage filled with little ballerinas.
*The smell of new school supplies: crayons, construction paper and glue.
*Game night, cut grass, mud, lights, band, cheering crowds and all the “glory.”
*Smell of lavender on a clean baby, soft coos, sweet smiles and bright eyes.
*Brewing coffee for a good friend.
*Watching falling stars from the comfort of a trampoline.
*Sitting on a porch swing on a humid night with a gentle breeze blowing through.
*Letting an older person look you in the eye and tell you how it used to be.
*Black and white television shows or classic movies.
*Popping popcorn and curling up on the couch with the family.
*Having family jam sessions.
*Making pancakes on a Saturday morning.

2008-08-01T18:49:00.000-07:00

PLAIN OR LACY LASIK?

As a young gymnast, I would have to ask my coach to let me know whenever the judges were signaling me to vault because I could not tell if they were raising their arms or not. I suppose that this was the catalyst for my parents sending me to the contact guy at 9 or 10 years old. They loved me so much that they didn’t want me running smack into the vault, which makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. So, I would say that I have worn contacts for about 20 years, and in all that time, I have never had an issue with my contacts irritating my eyes.

So, a month ago, I bought a new kind of contact solution, and WHAM! Now, I have irritated, red eyes. I have tried this little droplet and that little droplet, but nothing doing. I have now seen three doctors, and they all recommend different little droplets. It’s like a three ring circus. One doctor, apparently, gave me the bazooka of eye droplets that was prepared to kill everything except my eye itself. Even that didn’t work! I am on new treatment, but in the meantime, I can’t wear my contacts. This would be an okay situation if my prescription were not so strong that my nose might suffer a small fracture enduring the weight of it all.

Since having the grave misfortune of purchasing a new contact solution that started this “allergic reaction to contacts” crisis, one of my doctors told me that I should consider LASIK surgery. SURGERY! I know that many people have had this surgery safely, but to me, there are some things that just should not mix. Nails and tires, toddlers and fine China, and yes, I would say that lasers and the human eye are near the top of my list. So, unless you are Clark Kent, this is quite an unnatural combo.

I said: “All right, how much does LASIK surgery run?” He said that there is a discount version for about $799 per eye, or I could get the custom surgery for somewhere over a $1,000 per eye. He was not sure on the price. Hold up there cowboy! “Custom” surgery? Since when is surgery anything BUT custom?

ANNOUNCER READS: “Step right up folks and get your eye surgery. One eye, one round pattern and one laser beam for the job people! Don’t be shy. Just look right here at this target! We’ll pull the lever for you. You might even win this fluffy pink bear if all goes well.”

For real? So, do interns perform the cheaper surgery? Do Star Wars doctors dressed as Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker have a heyday sparring on the cornea with lightsabers? Have you every heard of a ½ price open heart surgery? “Yeah, well, we just remove part of the blockage. It’s a good deal all things considered...”

Anyway, so I might get LASIK one day whenever I am brave enough and rich enough to have the “custom” laser cutting my eyes. Perhaps they should call the fancy, custom surgery “Lacy LASIK” to cut down on the confusion…

2008-07-29T20:58:00.000-07:00

BEWITCHED, BOTHERED AND BEWILDERED

Years ago, before the price of gas was $50 a gallon, my mom and I decided to take a “ROAD TRIP!” We drove up to Washington D.C., but the most memorable thing to me of that whole trip had nothing to do with the Lincoln Memorial. I saw “Mike the Spike!” He was a smokin' piano player at this jazz club in Foggy Bottom.

My mom and I paid (what we thought was outrageous cover at the time) to get in to One Step Down Jazz Club. Anyway, the last song that he played was “Bewitched.” It was great. After the concert, I went up to ol' Mike the Spike and told him how amazing he was on the piano.

I’ll never forget the next words out of his mouth. He looked at me for a few seconds and then said in a thick, fake, Southern drawl: “Boy, you shhhuuurrre doooo have a reeeeeal Suuuuuthern acceeeent!” I was stunned. Looking back, I wish that I had said, “Yes, along with Southern charm and hospitality.” Oh…but yeah, time machines don’t exist…

I am not sure where Mike the Spike lives these days, but I think that I know where he got his nickname. What a jerk! Anyway, just thinking about that story made me ponder the strange qualities of Darrin, Samantha and the beloved television series, Bewitched. What is the DEAL with that show?

I loved watching reruns as a youngster, but now that I am a wife and mother, I say: “What the hey?” Is Darrin mental? He watched his wife burn holes in his shirts while ironing, vacuum up the curtains and all sorts of other blunders. Did Darrin not want gourmet meals with a wiggle of the nose? What about all the painstaking housework being done with “wiggle, wiggle, wiggle?” Oh, and what about episodes when they have to call a plumber or something! Huh? I can’t believe that Samantha put up with that for so long!

I always sided with Samantha during the episodes and the fact that she was being a good wife doing her mundane duties "sans magic," but I am beginning to think that Endora had it right by calling Darrin “Dumb-Dumb.” Hey, from Darrin's point of view, I guess that it's hard being married to a witch who is immortal and will look spectacular even at 85, but for crying out loud, does she have to fold every piece of laundry? I think that might be the reason that the role of Darrin had to be played by Dick York AND Dick Sargent. Maybe she turned the first husband into a TOAD! Ribbit, ribbit!

2008-07-21T19:02:00.001-07:00

THE INVISIBLE WORLD...TO BE ALOOF

Okay, what the heck is a Loofah? All right, I know what it is, but no one seems to know how to spell it as it can be spelled “Luffa, Loofah or Lufah,” according to the world’s leading resource in such matters: Wikipedia!

I think that products like Loofahs are overrated. However, it seems that they are all the rage in luxurious bath products. Everyone is buying them in multiple sizes and colors. Oh, and don’t forget to pick up the soap with grains of sand in it to really scrub away those pesky dead skin cells. Ouch! Here’s the thing: So, unless you toss the Loofah each night you wash, well, aren’t you just scrubbing the old skin cells back on the newly revealed ones? Gasp!

For that, and obvious germy reasons, I choose washcloths over Loofahs. I guess that you have to be “aloof” that there are germs and dead skin cells festering in the Loofah. Or, spell it backwards. Quite revealing. Like playing an old 1980s album backwards. Yeah, I am talking vinyl. Remember those hidden messages? Or, maybe that was something my older brothers used to tell me to occupy me while they did something truly cool.

I don’t want you to get the wrong idea, like I am a germ phobic freak. I keep a moderate amount of dust in the home. Builds up the immune system. Plus, I like to spend my spare time doing other things besides housework, but there is no need to purposefully grow cultures in one’s own home!

The next victim of my product tirade is the plastic toothbrush case that protects the bristles from all the “evil germs” in the outside world. What about the smorgasbord of germs having a party inside the plastic case? Yumm. I get the point for traveling, but for everyday use? I say: "Air out those bristles!"

By the way, it is SO not okay to borrow someone’s toothbrush, especially without asking. (Moment of silence while I remember the absolute horror of it all). It is not like a hairbrush. It is a TOOTHBRUSH. I actually had a debate about this with someone near and dear to my heart. I thought that little unspoken rules like this were beyond reproach. Apparently not.

Last but not least—the toilet bowl scrubber. People actually use the same one for years. It’s not like those doodads are expensive. Let’s just break the bank and invest in new scrubbers every now and then; shall we? One of my friends had a roommate who actually cleaned their toilet bowl scrubber in the DISHWASHER. Yeah, she had a heart-to-heart about that one: “Hey, man, it’s really, ummmm, not the 'best' idea to mix toilet scrubbers and dishes.” Talk about an extra kick in the recipe, eh?

2008-07-15T21:00:00.001-07:00

CAR COMMERCIALS AND LEAD FEET

Back in the day, cars were cars. They all looked alike, and people still got from point A to point B. Over the years, they have evolved into all sorts of shapes and colors, and I think that variety and competition are good. But now, we are supposedly “in love” with our cars, which is mildly disturbing.

For example, the recent Cadillac car commercial ends with this: “I have one question for you. Whenever you turn on your car, does it return the favor?” I almost had coffee shooting out of my nose whenever that line was delivered in a low sexy voice. What the heck? My husband and I had a good laugh about it, but I DID remember it. So, OMG, was I part of the target audience? How embarrassing! Well, I am not a status symbol girl, so I would say – uh, nah!

Anyway, that leads me to another favorite subject. I am convinced that road rage is a genetic issue. People either have road rage, or they don’t. I am fortunate in the way that I don’t get fighting mad if someone “cuts me off,” but I probably cause road rage…singing to my hippie music. Sorry road rage readers!

This is what I don’t understand. I give courtesy seconds to people if they are sitting at a green light. However, after my courtesy seconds expire, I give a little “honk.” Not “hooooooooonk” or even “honk, honk,” just a simple, gentle, loving tap of a “honk.” Some people drive off without incident, but I think that it’s so weird whenever people give a mad “honk” back. It’s like a protest honk. Are they saying: “Don’t you know that I was sitting at this light on purpose? You dimwitted fool!” Or, maybe I am interpreting it wrong. Maybe they are honking a “thank you” to me. But…somehow…I don’t think so. They usually seem ticked, and I don’t think that I will ever understand that.

Beware: Loving “honks” can be fatal! This actually DID happen to me. I was at a red light, and there were two burly men in two pickup trucks in front of me, just shooting the breeze at the light. So, the light turned green. I gave more than my usual courtesy seconds because (A) They were burly. (B) I wanted them to be able to say goodbye without an obnoxious honk ruining the beautiful moment. Alas, finally, I honked. The burly man in front and to the right of me revved up his engine. RRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrr! He shot me the meanest look in the South. Then, he acted like he was going to ram the side of my car. Holy cow! I pretended not to see him and dramatically slowed down in order to keep from being killed.

If nothing else, people with road rage, weaving in and out of traffic and slamming on breaks will get less gas mileage, and that is sweet satisfaction for me these days!

2008-07-13T20:33:00.000-07:00

GENERATION TO GENERATION

Who makes up names for generations anyway? I mean, you have the “Great Generation” and “Baby Boomers” and then “X” & “Y?” The creative director must have retired or something. Probably was part of the Great Generation. At least the new naming hack could have started at the beginning of the alphabet because we will be in a panic at Generation Z. Perhaps it was a meteorologist who named them at the end of “H” season. Yeah, I don't write the “H” word.

So, I bought into this corny idea of getting a journal for my parents for Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. It was some Hallmark sappy thing about leaving a legacy. But, on second thought…not so corny. Listen up!

Okay, Generation X-ers and Y-ers, here is the deal. People in the Great Generation knew how to put lard in a jar and bury it in the ground to keep it cold. Why, may you ask? Not all that sure. I don't know where to find lard, aside from buying a pack of Oreos. If I had lard, I am not sure what I would do with it either...besides bury it in the ground as I heard my grandfather say once while talking about life on the farm in Kansas.

My other Great Generation grandparents grew up in the hills of North Louisiana, working farmland. My great-grandfather was a farmer by day and a house-calling dentist whenever someone's tooth was about to explode! My great-grandmother was of French origin and had lots of kids WITHOUT an epidural, and she bathed all of them in the same tub, same water. The kids took turns on who went first each night. Eeewwww!!!

If you looked back, your family would have similar stories. Stories about the iceman who would deliver ice for the fridge. Stories of riding horses not cars. This may seem like fiction to Twitter-ers, iPhone-aholics, “crack-berry” carrying workaholics and the like of today, but it's so real. I started thinking about this whenever I saw a clip on “desk rage” of people going nuts and kicking over their computers at work. Huh?

So, it's kinda scary in today's world that so many people don't know the secrets of the past. We did, after all, survive without oil. What's even scarier to me is that I lack a green thumb to the point that I killed a cactus. A CACTUS! Is that even possible? How would I ever run a farm?

So, go out there and get those legacies! You will be so glad that you did.